Monday, October 3, 2011

Hotel Door Hanger

I really wanted to use a font called serial killer for the "Stay Out" but I couldn't find it.

One of those hyper, overly enthusiastic door to door sales men came to my home
You know the type, short sleeved dress shirt, polyester clip on tie; them and Door to Door Mormons are the only ones that still use Brycreme
He wanted to sell me "A home security system"
I told him... "I don't need no stinking burglar alarm ...I got dogs and guns"

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Silent Majority (no roars and only a few ladylike whimpers)

Based on pop culture, especially romance novel ravishments, women comics who's bondage jokes elicit lots of knowing looks and a few blushes but rarely an icy silence and even extending to staid old magazines like Redbook; it's pretty obvious that the women who are up for some vigorous manhandhandling far out number the ones who aren't.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ahh, the old dick in the box ploy

As they say in Mordor, "Looks like meat's back on the menu boys"


Hey, It Worked For PETA
Chest compressions, any woman dressed like that is just asking for them.
(as usual the picture is better if you click on it)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Women need a little mystery, don't be too obvious

"They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They're not laughing now." Bob Monkhouse

I have a hard time with some comics, Bob Monkhouse is one. His delivery just doesn't work for me.

Lenny Bruce is another, his hyper nervous style is really offputting. Reading his stuff really cracks me up, though. 

Jimmy Carr is just the opposite, I think he could crack me up reading a phone book.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I'm so confused

Bisexual doesn't seem to be a very useful parameter. We need something better than the classic scale with straights on one end, gays on the other and bisexuals in the middle. An indiscriminate horndog may be bisexual but they have less in common with June Cleaver than a bisexual woman is is a faithfully married homemaker who changes a longtime partner of one sex for another. Is someone in prison who enters a same sex relationship after sex or companionship. Maybe how lonely they are is the important thing.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

This CAT don't LOL

I'd tell you youngins to sit down for some folksy horseshit but you're already sittin cause you never move your lazy asses out front of your computers.

We had FWB's  back in Mayberry, we just didn't broadcast it, HELL, WE HAD RELATIVES WITH BENEFITS, SHEEP WITH BENEFITS, we was just poor country folks and didn't hold with abbreviating.

In my day our idea of fun was to get mean ass drunk, go to an opium den in Chinatown and take a bamboo  cane to a few of those funsized hookers.

We didn't upload anything but jizm.

Herpes didn't count cause they weren't nuhin' but coldsores and the worst thing you could catch was a little bit of root rot penicillin could clear up right smartly.

They didn't smoke marijuana in Musgokee cause it was ditch weed, they wooda though... look at the place now meth capital of the dust bowl. Back in my day we had most of our teeth until we were 30. They didn't cotton much to oral sex, blow jobs and snaggle tooth women shouldn't mix.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Gift horse

 Transforming monster bites are an increasing threat to public health and so it behooves us to observe the consequences of crossover as it becomes more common. The Underworld movies have undertaken the study of Vampire/werewolf cross. Apparently you gain both the smooth seductiveness of a vampire and the animal magnetism of the werewolf and become irresistible to hot English women who favor leather fetish costumes so being transformed into a monster has an upside.

 The werebie is noted for being partially furred, a shambling walk and garbled, drooling attempts at speech. The simplest test is to smell the breath, if foul, decaying, and fermented you probably have a common wino.
If this is not definitive offer him a hug, a teary, maudlin display of affection is almost certainly a wino. If he attempts to bite you it may be difficult to distinguish the two .

The zompire is double dead, zombies have no liquid circulating blood so are not a suitable menu item for vampires. Vampires bitten by zombies face perhaps the saddest fate of all, unable to withstand daylight and also losing the dash and charm so characteristic of the children of the night they soon become universally despised,  drown their sorrows  in karaoke and haunt chat roulette.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Miss, I'll need to check your fridge for some evidence

Friday, April 15, 2011

Hans Conried (April 15, 1917 – January 5, 1982)

R.I.P the real and original Snidely Whiplash
The live action movie was an abhorrent abominable abortion
Like Bugs, especially, the old cartoons  may have gone over our heads when we were kids
But they didn't talk down to us

Monday, April 11, 2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I like girls that play hard to get

and I especially like the good sports that keep playing after they know they're terrible at it.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Plagiarizing ain't easy

I didn't want to use a photograph; I thought of the sign gag without the picture, but dedicated scouring of pulp art failed to provide a suitable painting.  My post " It was easy..." was surprisingly difficult, the gunfighter on the Western Street  is such a cliche'. Click to enlarge as usual

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Not so fast there...

I recently saw this posted as an example of how not to lock things up
Grotesquely unfair, the ring on the inside doorknob is pure genius. It's probably stronger and faster to use than the little slidebar and chain that are commercially available. Plus no drilled holes or other scars on the door. It is easy to imagine a commercial version, modify the ring slightly to cam lock onto the door. Two of them chained together would work instantly on double doors.

Monday, January 3, 2011

If Countries Were People

 The Anglos are family, we love Canada, the older sister, modest, polite straight A grades, the go to gal when we fuck up. The US is the only boy, loud, pushy,who's the favorite only because he is the boy, cluelessly blundering through life secure in his entitlement. Australia is the acting out baby sister, smoking cigarettes with her bunch of slutty friends that ignore the US except when they want to piss her off.  New Zealand is the invisible middle child, the wallflower who everyone identifies only as Australia's sister. Good old mom, England, we love her we really do but we hate to visit because her house is full of antique furniture we have to stay off. Lovable Ireland Dad, he was fun when he was sober and around, we understand why mom divorced him but it's been forever, why can't they bury the hatchet.