Based on pop culture, especially romance novel ravishments, women comics who's bondage jokes elicit lots of knowing looks and a few blushes but rarely an icy silence and even extending to staid old magazines like Redbook; it's pretty obvious that the women who are up for some vigorous manhandhandling far out number the ones who aren't.
Maybe I need to hang out with a different crowd, SW, but I have stood in a circle of chardonnay drinking women discussing kids, bake sales and of course, sex only to have one particularly uptight woman declare that she doesn't get the big deal about sex, oral sex and why any woman would even consider having anal sex while others readily agreed. To this, I could only laugh which led to the uptight woman getting wide-eyed pointing her well-manicured finger at me while she exclaimed, "You! You are that woman! Aren't you?!" Which only led, on my part, to more laughing at the absurdity of her horror and confusion and feeling quite like John Hurt a/k/a The Elephant Man being cornered and gawked at wanting to scream, "I am not an animal!"
ReplyDeleteBut, of course, I am an animal and a very hungry one at that. No apologies.
I have my theories on this - for some I think they have a "forced orgasm" fantasy. Maybe, like me, they were raised to believe only men and bad girls enjoy sex. (Direct quote from mom, "Only men and whores enjoy sex, good girls don't have orgasms.") So if the Big Bad Man forces them to feel pleasure they don't have to feel any guilt.
ReplyDeleteAnd there is the aspect of not having to take the lead. Since childhood I've been pushed into leadership roles. Group activities, I was always made to take charge, even by boys who were captains of the sports teams. As an adult people always push me to be in charge - even when I flat out say "NO!" - guys have told me because I won't make the first move that I'm "not a real woman." I HATE LEADING! I like leading myself but not other people. So there's a sense of relaxation when a man takes charge and ties me up - with my permission. I don't feel that pressure to lead.
I think a lot of women now adays want that pressure to be in charge, to be "strong" and all that uber-feminist stuff taken away from them for at least an hour or two. It's fine to be strong and in charge sometimes, but sometimes a gal just wants to feel delicate, helpless - in a good way, and womanly.
I agree!
ReplyDeleteI've had two wives and two serious girlfriends so the sample is small but these are the only women that I've field tested enough to feel that I can speak authoritatively on their preferences. After a few orgasms they were all pretty much up for any fiendish plan I could conceive. If I left it up to them at that point, they all craved vaginal penetration with a flesh and blood cock which is usually my favorite finale as well.
ReplyDeleteOne more admittedly biased sample, when I was Snidely on R&R the overwhelming majority of women who wrote me (40 or 50? in all)were pro kink.
ReplyDeleteActually, Jamie brought a couple of things, I have a friend who is quite progressive who when bitching about the lack of men was asked if she would make the first move said quote "I'd die first"
ReplyDeleteI'm am uber feminist and would never get involved if I didn't respect and consider the woman my equal. Sex is how you're wired much more that what you believe. I'm straight, I was born straight, I'm also a born top, I like being a big strong man and it just plain feels right to lead in bed. Life would be so much simpler for us all if this wasn't the case. I'm lucky because I was born "normal" but gays and others have suffered a great deal because this isn't the choice any us of get to make. Being a receptive woman who is hetero and turned on by male dominance isn't politics and the true feminist fucks who she wants, how she wants.
I think some people have forgotten that sex is primal. It has become so convoluted in the media and society, you move further and further away from it, trying to replace it with other indulgences that are more socially acceptable.
ReplyDeleteSome people never allow themselves permission to move past the bullshit and listen to and accept their urges.
I know it took me a long time to stop trying to deny and apologize for what I want and how I want it.
Okay, I tried posting this really long reply last night. It wouldn't let me. I even e-mailed it to Snidely and he couldn't get it to post either. So if this post goes through I'm going to C/P it into parts. Forgive me.
ReplyDeleteI admit I don't get why any woman would want anal sex either. I had
ReplyDeleteenough people going up there with tubes and stuff as a kid for medical
problems. (I have genetic bladder and kidney problems and my medicines
often made me extremely constipated.) I absolutely freak out when
anyone gets so much as a pinky near there. And no, I won't even think
of trying it. You want a foot job, hand job, fuck my breasts, orals,
or regular, but there is no amount of money in the world that would
get me to try anal so just deal with it. Same with pee play, feces
play, or blood play. Tie me up, spank me, tickle me, secretly
videotape me, but no anal, period. If you don't like it, take a hike.
Granted, I've been celibate for 11 years and don't miss sex. Even the
bondage stuff was boring. Oh, perhaps if I ever met the right man I
might enjoy it, but to me it was so much fuss and bother over a big
nothing.
I'm not a feminist. Oh, I believe in equality and all that. But see, I
ReplyDeletebelieve there's two types of feminists. There's real feminists - ones
who believe in equality but are also willing to admit when a guy is
better than them at something. Then there's the feminists who are
about as real feminists as Fred Phelps is a real Christian. The kind
who think men should be in cages.
Sadly, I've encountered more of the latter type.
A good example is this - they often say that a woman can do whatever
they want with their bodies. Right down to selling their virginity on
eBay to pay for college. However, if I mention I want plastic surgery
they actually flat out say that I'm NOT allowed to because THEY said
so. What happened to "it's my body"?
Okay, granted, part of the reason I want it is for self esteem
ReplyDeletereasons. I mean, I'm fat, and people treat fat women like SHIT! I've
spent a life time being told I was ugly, worthless, even had food
thrown at me. People still send me e-mails telling me that I'm an ugly
beast and should kill myself. I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which
makes weight easy to gain and hard to lose. Maybe having a few of my
problems areas tuned up - I know I can't expect to come out of it as
thin as I'd like to be, but those areas where it's hard to lose weight
even without the PCOS like upper arms, chin, etc were smoothed out a
bit, if it was easier to look in the mirror, then maybe it would be
easier to diet and exercise rather than feeling it's hopeless.
However, I also have these freaking huge boobs - 38 TRIPLE D cups.
They sag, of course, but they also give me horrible neck and shoulder
pain and 95% of the reason I want plastic surgery is to make them
smaller and lift them up so the pain will ease up! But no, I'm "not
allowed to" because some feminist took offense to the fact I want it.
So it's okay to do whatever I want with my body, except something that
would make me a little happier and more importantly, ease my pain!
As for the making the first move thing - first off, I'm absolute
ReplyDeleterubbish at telling when a guy is interested. Unless he flat out tells
me, I have no idea. He could be buck naked with a raging erection
wagging in my face and I still wouldn't be able to tell. Therefore he
HAS to ask me out first, try to kiss me first if I'm ever to figure it
out.
Second, I hate weak men. And the men I've met who wait for women to
make all the first moves have all been weak. They're so afraid of
rejection that they curl up in their shells. Then whine when women
date "jerks." As I tell them, it's because the jerks were brave enough
to risk rejection and make the first freakin' move!
In these days where women are judged more and more on their looks, men
ReplyDeleteneed to realize how good it is for us if they make the first move.
Even if they do end up rejected, they can walk away knowing that deep
down, they helped heal that girl's self esteem a little. Made up for
that guy who told her that her nose was too big, that she was too fat,
that she just wasn't good enough. It's way more helpful than all the
therapy in the world if a guy just goes up to a gal and says, "I find
you attractive and want to get to know you better to see if we match
mentally and emotionally as well."
Sadly, the last guy who was brave enough to approach me first was
stinking drunk and did it at his girlfriend's encouragement. I heard
later they tried to get two other girls up to their room with them. I
want a guy who's sober and single.
Sorry about how it's all aligned and everything. But that's what I tried to post ten times last night and could not get through.
ReplyDeleteJami,
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I can't tell when a guy is interested either. I always assume they are just being nice and friendly until they ask me for a date or more.
Well, it's usually tough to tell when someone is interested in me (in part because it happens so rarely, I'm sure) though I'm pretty quick to pick up when people are interested in each other (and I'm not in the equation). Second-guessing comes into it, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteAnd there are LOTS of different kinds of feminists, not a few who are not worried about other people's sexuality (though they are worried about coercion...which genuinely mutually-agreed-upon power games are not a part of), and of course there are some who are very sex-negative or prescriptive.
I've crossed the line into abuse, I have a lot of shame and guilt. I don't think it will ever happen again, it was a very hard lesson to see what I was capable of. I'm very aware of who's interested in me and I'm also very aware that some women are very receptive to my interest and some aren't, some like it, some don't.
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ReplyDeleteI was suffering from a deadly disease herpes and diabetes and i went through alot trying to get better each everyday of my life until I came across a testimony on blogs someone telling good about Dr Jekawo, a traditional herbal doctor that cure all kind of disease such as: herpes,diabetes,epilepsy,cancer,hpv,lupus,degenerative disease,shingles,erectile dysfunction also bring back ex,leukemia,fibroid and other spiritual consultations, I contacted him via drjekawo@gmail.com then he prepared the herbal medicines and send to me which takes 21 days treatment that cured my diabetes and herpes completely,I'm so grateful with the help he rendered to me therefore I promised to share his great works.
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