Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Gift horse

 Transforming monster bites are an increasing threat to public health and so it behooves us to observe the consequences of crossover as it becomes more common. The Underworld movies have undertaken the study of Vampire/werewolf cross. Apparently you gain both the smooth seductiveness of a vampire and the animal magnetism of the werewolf and become irresistible to hot English women who favor leather fetish costumes so being transformed into a monster has an upside.

 The werebie is noted for being partially furred, a shambling walk and garbled, drooling attempts at speech. The simplest test is to smell the breath, if foul, decaying, and fermented you probably have a common wino.
If this is not definitive offer him a hug, a teary, maudlin display of affection is almost certainly a wino. If he attempts to bite you it may be difficult to distinguish the two .

The zompire is double dead, zombies have no liquid circulating blood so are not a suitable menu item for vampires. Vampires bitten by zombies face perhaps the saddest fate of all, unable to withstand daylight and also losing the dash and charm so characteristic of the children of the night they soon become universally despised,  drown their sorrows  in karaoke and haunt chat roulette.


  1. Did you ever watch the Ghostbusters cartoon? There was one episode where they were hired by vampires to take out werewolves. (Or maybe it was the other way around.) Egon arranged for water to surround the town, making it an island (vampires can't cross running water and all) and they all bit each other and became half and half - and all I could think is "It doesn't work like that!"

    On a side note, according to vampire mythology, when a werewolf dies they become a vampire.

  2. Great information to have. As I have run across many a wino that I wished to embrace. I will remember this next time I go to hug a wino.