Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Foreplay- Illusion or Delusion?

I really hate the idea of foreplay, that sex is a process, with a predictable outcome, divided into stages.
How the male mind works:
"ME horny"(Find woman, pester)
Kiss, squeeze boob, stroke thigh(This is the stage known known as foreplay)
Poke(repeat until male orgasm, this is the sex stage, "real sex" ends when he comes)
Sleep (Sex over now)

If women were more amenable to task oriented sex, some kind of deal could be struck(you go down, kiss pussy until I orgasm, then poke) and this arrangement is better than her listening to him snore, staring at the ceiling frustrated and having, what is no doubt the most common of all female fantasies, strangling the insensitive bastard.

I think sex for men and women could be improved if we exploit another aspect of male thinking, men have no trouble understanding that machines need routine maintenance, the same guy that thinks he can just fire up his woman and ride would never treat a motorcycle so casually. Foreplay is all day, everyday, bubble bath and silly little love notes are the oil changes of love.


  1. That last bit sounds a smidge like what Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is always saying. All day foreplay involving light touches, kisses, and little gestures. Working up to the Big Show that night. He even suggests dirty phone calls to one another, but without either party masturbating so they'll be hot to trot when they get together.

    Me, I'd just be grateful if a guy opened the door for me, helped me with heavy packages, and would pay for dinner rather then saying, "Hey babe, I'm not working so I need you to pick up the check."

  2. SW,
    Your suggestion for improved male/female sexual relations via the "male-thinking=machines-need-routine-maintenance" track sounds good, but what if one is attached/married to a man who doesn't take care of his car? Instead, he leaves it up to the woman to organise the service and tune-up and then expects her to clean, wash, wax AND deodorise the car so he can impress his mates!

    One could be left up the proverbial creek without a paddle, yes? When it comes to sex, one should not think, one should feel and do.

    My two bobs worth. ;)

    PS - I'm anon because it's the only button I can click on that won't send me somewhere I shouldn't be. :)

  3. ...cleaned, washed, waxed AND deodorised...
    If he can't appreciate that maybe YOU should invite his mates to take it for a little spin