This CAT don't LOL

I'd tell you youngins to sit down for some folksy horseshit but you're already sittin cause you never move your lazy asses out front of your computers.

We had FWB's  back in Mayberry, we just didn't broadcast it, HELL, WE HAD RELATIVES WITH BENEFITS, SHEEP WITH BENEFITS, we was just poor country folks and didn't hold with abbreviating.

In my day our idea of fun was to get mean ass drunk, go to an opium den in Chinatown and take a bamboo  cane to a few of those funsized hookers.

We didn't upload anything but jizm.

Herpes didn't count cause they weren't nuhin' but coldsores and the worst thing you could catch was a little bit of root rot penicillin could clear up right smartly.

They didn't smoke marijuana in Musgokee cause it was ditch weed, they wooda though... look at the place now meth capital of the dust bowl. Back in my day we had most of our teeth until we were 30. They didn't cotton much to oral sex, blow jobs and snaggle tooth women shouldn't mix.

Gift horse

 Transforming monster bites are an increasing threat to public health and so it behooves us to observe the consequences of crossover as it becomes more common. The Underworld movies have undertaken the study of Vampire/werewolf cross. Apparently you gain both the smooth seductiveness of a vampire and the animal magnetism of the werewolf and become irresistible to hot English women who favor leather fetish costumes so being transformed into a monster has an upside.

 The werebie is noted for being partially furred, a shambling walk and garbled, drooling attempts at speech. The simplest test is to smell the breath, if foul, decaying, and fermented you probably have a common wino.
If this is not definitive offer him a hug, a teary, maudlin display of affection is almost certainly a wino. If he attempts to bite you it may be difficult to distinguish the two .

The zompire is double dead, zombies have no liquid circulating blood so are not a suitable menu item for vampires. Vampires bitten by zombies face perhaps the saddest fate of all, unable to withstand daylight and also losing the dash and charm so characteristic of the children of the night they soon become universally despised,  drown their sorrows  in karaoke and haunt chat roulette.