Oh, Brave New World

THE
GALAXY'S
MOST
POWERFUL
VIBRATOR
It's the...
SUPER SHOCKER
By HASBRO
Atomic Powered Main Thruster
with front and rear retro rockets
Quick Pump Action
Extra Large Lube Capacity
If you're not super soaked it's not a real
SUPER SHOCKER
No Money Back If Not Completely Satisfied
(at least we don't expect you to fake it)

What Kind of Woman Wears Uggs on a First Date?

... and she wonders why they never call

You'll Buy It, You'll Read It, You'll Hate Yourself In the Morning

All the

Shameless
Exploitation
of
ALIEN
VS
PREDATOR

But for Girls

Can I Get A Witness?

A friend of mine worked as a waitress in Denver and walked home in the wee hours under the "viaduct" , freeway over head, so dark corners of concrete pillars and chain link fences where she walked. She caught a glimpse of a burly shadow a few yards behind; she looked straight ahead and picked up her pace, she could hear heavy boots closing the gap. At the darkest and loneliest spot he was so close she could hear him breathing, in a husky whisper he said," Praise the Lord," and quickly passed.


"Amen , brother"

The Ave Eternal

When I made this cover, I had the ave in Seattle's U district in mind but the ave isn't one place every city(and every soul) has one. My first ave is Telegraph in Berkeley, first in sex, first in drugs, and pretty prominent in Rock 'n Roll. My second ave is Colfax in Denver, living big, laughing hard , singing Randy Newman loudly and drunkenly, the best of times and the worst of times. Crashing down hard and finally and inevitability learning the lesson that no matter how fucked up and crazy you are you have to live a life that matters.

An old story that I've always loved: a pope, a parish priest and a cloistered brother were all in heaven talking about their lives on earth.
The pope says,"I saved a million souls."
The priest says "I saved a thousand."
They looked at the brother and asked him, "How many souls have you saved?"
"One"

Just for the record I'm nominally Jewish and don't believe in life after death.
But I've saved one and like to think I've helped a couple of others along.

Dames and Games

Sheila

Try not to look at the camera

She couldn't understand why it was so hard...

...aren't hairdressers supposed to be gay.

Seattle Style

We aren't all goose down and Gore-tex

Ode to my branch

Cheesey eighties porn has left me unable to look at a woman in a conservative suit and glasses without instantly imagining the S&M black bustier and garter belt underneath.
God bless porn!

♫ I come from a land down under ♫

Let he who's never woken up in a pink apron
Buy the first round

Why the Great Auk is extinct

The only thing worse than the "deer in the headlights freeze" when confronted with an attractive member of the opposite sex is later realizing it was reciprocated .

Why Opposites Attract

How women feel about anal sex
"OW, OW, øW!"

How men feel about it
"WO, WO, W☺,"