Hammer Time

Is that a tarantula in your pocket or are you just overdue for a wax?

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you show me where it's buried?

Heaven must be missing an angel... judging by the pile of bloody feathers

Wanted for Failure to Appear-the Invisible Man

" I didn't mean for it happen, at first he kept me in the dark and it felt like just another fling but later, he took me by surprise and I knew that if I let go, he'd vanish forever."

" Oh, all his women are pumped just full of surprises; did you think you were the only one? He's not a guy who can get by on good looks."

"Of course, but I've never been felt about this way by any other man."

An Indelicate Dilemma

The temperature in Seattle has finally risen above seventy and some female flesh has emerged from the Seattle Burka(goretex and polarguard swaddling)
You've got a seat on the bus, basking in the sun and the view.(life is good)
Mr Happy agrees(emphatically)
A hot Mom gets on the bus( and clearly really needs your seat)
But if you stand up your awkward boner ends up right in her face.

Act nonchalant and hope she does the same?
Act nonchalant and wink?
Whistle loudly and tunelessly while turning in circles so other riders can share the discomfort?

Wherefore art thou JRR Tolkein

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, biblically , a fellow of infinite
lust, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a
thousand times, and now how in my imagination it is!
My prong rises at it.

Today's trivia- Horny(to be inflamed with lust) is an very old term. Well before Shakespeare's
era " to have the horn"(an erection) was a popular euphemism. You can thank some stuffy old
Cambridge language professor for this kernel of wisdom.

Two Girls One Whirled Cup

Masturbation causes blindness- like many old wives tales, this has a grain of truth.
Occasionally teen boys look down when they spew and glue their eyes shut.

Breaking news- a film critic, well known for his harsh reviews has been murdered by one of Hollywood's most famous actors.

Now he's the "The Star Strangled Panner"

Pubic Service Announcement

Cunninlingusaurus Cephaloafferus

This dinosaur whose tongue was as long as his name fed exclusively on nectar.

Todays' true facts
- the name for hummingbird in Brasil is Beija Flor (flower kisser)
- chicken sexer is a legitimate job title (rooster?)